he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
