I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
