These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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