Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
