i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
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