if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
