He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
