Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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