Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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