I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
