Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
ttyl tear gas
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
