At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
