You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
