I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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