you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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