I could have mohawked her pubes.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
