How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
