dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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