how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
