I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
