he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
