I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
