carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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