Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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