What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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