Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
