Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
