Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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