Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
can u get pink eye on your cock?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
