I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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