Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
babies were throwing up all over the place
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
