Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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