I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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