I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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