i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
