Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
