I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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