Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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