you turned your livingroom into a bong?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
