youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
