Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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