The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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