wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I wish you could order shots online.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
