then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
