yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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