I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
