You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Randomize
