Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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