giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
