Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
