peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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