her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
okay pat passed out under dana's car
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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