why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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