Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
