i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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